Long Distance Valentines

On my last post, a reader asked the following:

"mizu said...

Oh wise one, please impart some wisdom upon this poor, doomed soul. =P

1) What can I do if the girl I love is far away?

And

2) What can I do to show I'm thinking of her on Valentine's day if we're not technically in a relationship?"

Mizu, first of all, I'd like to thank you for reading my blog and venturing a question to me. It really does mean a lot to me.

As many people have realized, long distance relationships are tricky. It makes it even trickier if you're in an unnofficial relationship or "unrelationship" as I like to put it. Not only is every sign of affection an indirect one, but nothing can actually be taken for granted.

However, this doesn't have to be seen as an obstacle. Actually, having such a relationship, though trying, can have a lot of benefits that you can have fun with. Since distance makes indirection of affection a necessity, it gives you the added bonus of subtlety. You can put hidden meanings behind every little way that you interact. Also, being in an unrelationship means that you are not bound to conform to the common rules of relationships. You can make everything your own and you can't be compared to anyone else. Some of my best inspiration has come from my latest unrelationship and it has since turned into a wonderful and deep relationship.

That being said, allow me to answer your questions directly and how they pertain to Valentine's Day.

"What can I do if the girl I love is far away?"

Being far away from your loved one isn't the end of the world, it just takes extra creativity. My favorite ways of conquering distance is via the postal service and the internet.

There are many things that you can mail to your loved one to let them know that you care from the extremely subtle to the extremely overt. For example, you could be traditional and write them a poem or send them flowers. That's simple, wonderful, and gets the point across, but how about taking it a step further? How about instead of just writing them a poem, record yourself on video or audio reading them the poem and send it to them on cd along with the original poem? The poetry doesn't have to be great, it's the effort that counts.

Or how about sending them a box filled with fake rose petals and a handmade heart? Fake rose petals are awesome because they never die and can be used to symbolize the longevity of your love. The handmade heart can be personalized in so many ways, too. You could make it out of construction paper, clay, paint, cloth, pretty much anything.

Want something that includes the area that you live? Send them a walk in a box. Take a stroll at a romantic time of day and carry with you your camera. While out walking, take many pictures along the way of romantic and picturesque scenes that you experience. While walking, also see if you can find some interesting natural debris and collect them. When at home, you can take the debris and glue them together into a sculpture, as simple or elaborate as you are able. Then take the photos and the sculpture, put it in the box and send it to her.

Want to be a bit more subtle as to not be overwhelming? There's a lot that you can say with music. Burn a themed mix cd with songs that have lyrics and musical themes that express what you're trying to say. Even if your love doesn't figure out the themes on the surface, they are likely to internalize the sentiments.

As for the internet, you can do many similar things. Make a scrapbooking webpage devoted to your love. Make a special blog just for her. Send an electronic card. The more effort, creativity, and parts of yourself that you can put in it, the better.

"What can I do to show I'm thinking of her on Valentine's day if we're not technically in a relationship?"

A relationship is a state of being that has been invented by culture. What defines "being in a relationship?" After you figure that out, ask yourself why that should be a constraint. My answer is that it shouldn't. Every relationship is different with different rules. Whether or not you call it a "relationship" doesn't really matter.

Now, on that note, there are many things you can do to show the woman that you love that you're thinking about them, even if you can't communicate that you love them.

The simplest way is by giving them a phonecall. I know, it's nothing terribly special, but don't underestimate it. A phonecall is one of the most personal ways that you can interact with someone when they aren't around. Think about it: for the length of the phonecall, you are devoting all of your attention to them. There is relatively little distance between your voices, the second most intimate of expressive tools. A phonecall is worth a lot.

A letter usually is even more special though. Most of the time, it doesn't take much effort to pick up the phone and give a call, but writing a letter takes planning and effort. Take a chunk of time aside where you're just thinking about her and nothing else. Take those thoughts and put them onto paper. It doesn't matter how mundane they are, they show that you're really thinking about her. If you're not in a place where you feel that you can communicate your love for her, this is especially useful because you can keep the letter on very friendly tones without even mentioning love, but the act of sending a letter is time-consuming and special. It shows to her that you feel she is something special, even if you don't mention it.

As I mentioned before, sending creative gifts can be a fun way to show your love for someone. There's nothing like getting a mystery package in the mail and trying to figure out what it means. Gifts don't need to be expensive either. They can be, but usually something handmade and personalized is worth a thousand times more than something that you buy for someone. After all, the most valuable gift that you can give to someone is time and a handmade gift is the physical representation of that time.

Even if you do buy something for her, try and make it special. There are websites and stores out there catering to all kinds of personalized and specialized merchandise. The Collar Factory (http://collarfactory.com) makes personalized leather collars for people and you can get so much done with them, incorporating your favorite colors, styles, and even personalized lettering. My girlfriend happens to be an Enviromental Science Major and an Enviromental activist, so obviously preserving nature is important to her. For one of our anniverseries, I got her a gift from the Rainforest Site Store (http://shop.therainforestsite.com/store) that not only helped preserve a few acres of rainforest, but was fair trade goods.

Mizu, I hope this helped some. If you have any more questions, I hope you comment again. Thank you again for taking the time to read my humble blog.