Sunday, September 7, 2008
Mystery Hits
So I was looking through my different website stats and noticed tha this blog has been getting a ton of hits lately on this blog the I put on the shelf because it wasn't very popular and I couldn't really figure out what to write about. If you made it to this blog, you probably have a question about something concerning relationships, romance, or sex. Don't be afraid to ask your question. I accept any and am likely to answer them withing a couple days. You can leave me comments or send m emails at blackromance@gmail.com, I don't care which.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
The end of a relationship
A friend of mine just asked me, "what does the end of a relationship feel like?"
It's his first relationship and he's having problems and thinking of ending it. I wanted to tell him that it wasn't that big of a deal, that he'd get over it in no time, that his life would just continue on as usual, but I couldn't. It's just simply not true.
As anyone who's experienced a breakup will tell you, it's never pretty. Even breakups that end on the friendliest of terms can evolve into gut wrenching drama over years as the little hidden things behind the relationship begin to fester and decay into bitterness. It's a part of life and rare is the breakup that doesn't involve such things.
Does that mean that you shouldn't break up? No, of course not. Sometimes, a situation is so bad that it can't be fixed or remedied. It's unfortunate, but it happens. However, there are things that you can do to make a breakup more bearable.
As the Initiator of a Break Up
As the initiator of a break up, you have almost complete control of the situation. The person that you're in a relationship with may realize that it is coming, but there will always be some level of surprise since they don't know when it is coming. This being said, take the feelings of your partner into consideration when breaking up with them.
First of all, take some time to yourself to think things over. Think about the relationship, what it has meant, and what is problematic about it. Be honest with yourself. That is often the hardest thing to do. If you feel that the problems in the relationship stem from the other person, think about why you feel that way. Think about what went wrong and what could have gone better. Did you tell them how you felt when you first noticed problems? Did you try and compromise and resolve the problems? It may be too late to remedy the problems now, but that doesn't mean you can't learn from the mistakes of the past.
When thinking about the relationship, try not to blame the other person for the mistakes made. I'm not saying that you should blame yourself, but you should be able to admit that you have both made mistakes and it is those mistakes that need to be condemned, not the people making them.
Once you have yourself straight in your thoughts, sit down with your partner in person (not through AIM, email, or through a Facebook status message) and tell them honestly how you feel. Once you have done that, listen to them and how they feel honestly. Most likely, you will learn lots of things that you didn't know about them. Whatever you do, don't scoff or discredit their feelings. All emotions are valid, even if they are illogical or unreasonable.
At this point, if things have gone well, it is the temptation for many couples to desperately promise to fix things and make them better instead of breaking up. Don't do this. Before you consider getting back together, think about the things that led you to this decision in the first place and try to determine if they are reasonable to try and change. If it involves changing yourself or your partner, it's probably not possible. If it involves better communication, it probably is. Either way, seriously consider your options.
Once you have considered your options and made your decision, stand strong and don't go back on it. There are a lot of things that your partner might try to do to keep you from guilt tripping you to threatening you. If they try that, get away from them. Just keep your distance for a while and let the emotions settle.
What you do after this point is really up to how your relationship stands. My suggestion though, keep it friendship or less. Don't be lulled into continuing to show or receive affection of any sort, especially physical. Trust me, that doesn't lead to good things.
As the receiver of a break up
There's not much that you can do when being broken up with. Your partner has control of the situation. What I suggest is this:
Accept the situation. There is really nothing that you can do to change the situation right now, so accept it. Try and figure out exactly why it is happening and see if there is something you did not notice about the relationship before that is causing problems. Understand that you might actually be better off without this relationship right now.
Take some time for yourself. Go take some time for yourself to cope with the change in your life. remind yourself that there are things you enjoy doing that don't involve your partner and that you are a whole person by yourself. Do something special for yourself to remind yourself that you are a valuable human being and that this break up is no fault of you as a person.
Be honest. Whatever you do, the best thing is to be completely honest with yourself and your partner. Feel free to express your emotions and why you feel that way. Don't let your emotions build up and grow out of proportion.
I wish I had more that I could say on the subject of break ups, but the simple truth is that they are messy, like it or not. I've had my fair share and not a single one has been painless.
It's his first relationship and he's having problems and thinking of ending it. I wanted to tell him that it wasn't that big of a deal, that he'd get over it in no time, that his life would just continue on as usual, but I couldn't. It's just simply not true.
As anyone who's experienced a breakup will tell you, it's never pretty. Even breakups that end on the friendliest of terms can evolve into gut wrenching drama over years as the little hidden things behind the relationship begin to fester and decay into bitterness. It's a part of life and rare is the breakup that doesn't involve such things.
Does that mean that you shouldn't break up? No, of course not. Sometimes, a situation is so bad that it can't be fixed or remedied. It's unfortunate, but it happens. However, there are things that you can do to make a breakup more bearable.
As the Initiator of a Break Up
As the initiator of a break up, you have almost complete control of the situation. The person that you're in a relationship with may realize that it is coming, but there will always be some level of surprise since they don't know when it is coming. This being said, take the feelings of your partner into consideration when breaking up with them.
First of all, take some time to yourself to think things over. Think about the relationship, what it has meant, and what is problematic about it. Be honest with yourself. That is often the hardest thing to do. If you feel that the problems in the relationship stem from the other person, think about why you feel that way. Think about what went wrong and what could have gone better. Did you tell them how you felt when you first noticed problems? Did you try and compromise and resolve the problems? It may be too late to remedy the problems now, but that doesn't mean you can't learn from the mistakes of the past.
When thinking about the relationship, try not to blame the other person for the mistakes made. I'm not saying that you should blame yourself, but you should be able to admit that you have both made mistakes and it is those mistakes that need to be condemned, not the people making them.
Once you have yourself straight in your thoughts, sit down with your partner in person (not through AIM, email, or through a Facebook status message) and tell them honestly how you feel. Once you have done that, listen to them and how they feel honestly. Most likely, you will learn lots of things that you didn't know about them. Whatever you do, don't scoff or discredit their feelings. All emotions are valid, even if they are illogical or unreasonable.
At this point, if things have gone well, it is the temptation for many couples to desperately promise to fix things and make them better instead of breaking up. Don't do this. Before you consider getting back together, think about the things that led you to this decision in the first place and try to determine if they are reasonable to try and change. If it involves changing yourself or your partner, it's probably not possible. If it involves better communication, it probably is. Either way, seriously consider your options.
Once you have considered your options and made your decision, stand strong and don't go back on it. There are a lot of things that your partner might try to do to keep you from guilt tripping you to threatening you. If they try that, get away from them. Just keep your distance for a while and let the emotions settle.
What you do after this point is really up to how your relationship stands. My suggestion though, keep it friendship or less. Don't be lulled into continuing to show or receive affection of any sort, especially physical. Trust me, that doesn't lead to good things.
As the receiver of a break up
There's not much that you can do when being broken up with. Your partner has control of the situation. What I suggest is this:
Accept the situation. There is really nothing that you can do to change the situation right now, so accept it. Try and figure out exactly why it is happening and see if there is something you did not notice about the relationship before that is causing problems. Understand that you might actually be better off without this relationship right now.
Take some time for yourself. Go take some time for yourself to cope with the change in your life. remind yourself that there are things you enjoy doing that don't involve your partner and that you are a whole person by yourself. Do something special for yourself to remind yourself that you are a valuable human being and that this break up is no fault of you as a person.
Be honest. Whatever you do, the best thing is to be completely honest with yourself and your partner. Feel free to express your emotions and why you feel that way. Don't let your emotions build up and grow out of proportion.
I wish I had more that I could say on the subject of break ups, but the simple truth is that they are messy, like it or not. I've had my fair share and not a single one has been painless.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Inexpensive Valentine's Ideas from About.com
Normally, as a blogger, I like to only put my own original ideas down on paper, but sometimes there's an exception to that rule. This is one of those exceptions. About.com has a lovely short article with three inexpensive Valentine's day suggestions that I thought some of you might be interested in. You can check it out here.
Monday, February 11, 2008
A Response to a General Comment
mizu said...
"Thanks for the advice (Some of it won't work because I'm currently in a situation where I'm unable to mail things to her, but later on it will be very helpful). Plus the ideas were just fabulous in general. I hope you keep updating this blog because you give great advice. =D"
Mizu, I'm glad you're enjoying reading this blog. It's just starting out, obviously, so comments like yours are much appreciated. If you have any suggestions, feel free to make them known. After all, an author is nothing without his audience. Trust me, as long as I have readers who are willing to comment every once in a while, I will continue to update this blog.
Sorry that my advice didn't really apply to your situation in verbatim. If you'd be willing to give me a little more about your situation, I'd be willing to try and cater my advice to it specifically. Feel free to leave another comment or send me an email at blackromance {at} gmail {dot} com.
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Long Distance Valentines
- On my last post, a reader asked the following:
- "mizu said...
- Oh wise one, please impart some wisdom upon this poor, doomed soul. =P
- 1) What can I do if the girl I love is far away?
- And
- 2) What can I do to show I'm thinking of her on Valentine's day if we're not technically in a relationship?"
As many people have realized, long distance relationships are tricky. It makes it even trickier if you're in an unnofficial relationship or "unrelationship" as I like to put it. Not only is every sign of affection an indirect one, but nothing can actually be taken for granted.
However, this doesn't have to be seen as an obstacle. Actually, having such a relationship, though trying, can have a lot of benefits that you can have fun with. Since distance makes indirection of affection a necessity, it gives you the added bonus of subtlety. You can put hidden meanings behind every little way that you interact. Also, being in an unrelationship means that you are not bound to conform to the common rules of relationships. You can make everything your own and you can't be compared to anyone else. Some of my best inspiration has come from my latest unrelationship and it has since turned into a wonderful and deep relationship.
That being said, allow me to answer your questions directly and how they pertain to Valentine's Day.
"What can I do if the girl I love is far away?"
Being far away from your loved one isn't the end of the world, it just takes extra creativity. My favorite ways of conquering distance is via the postal service and the internet.
There are many things that you can mail to your loved one to let them know that you care from the extremely subtle to the extremely overt. For example, you could be traditional and write them a poem or send them flowers. That's simple, wonderful, and gets the point across, but how about taking it a step further? How about instead of just writing them a poem, record yourself on video or audio reading them the poem and send it to them on cd along with the original poem? The poetry doesn't have to be great, it's the effort that counts.
Or how about sending them a box filled with fake rose petals and a handmade heart? Fake rose petals are awesome because they never die and can be used to symbolize the longevity of your love. The handmade heart can be personalized in so many ways, too. You could make it out of construction paper, clay, paint, cloth, pretty much anything.
Want something that includes the area that you live? Send them a walk in a box. Take a stroll at a romantic time of day and carry with you your camera. While out walking, take many pictures along the way of romantic and picturesque scenes that you experience. While walking, also see if you can find some interesting natural debris and collect them. When at home, you can take the debris and glue them together into a sculpture, as simple or elaborate as you are able. Then take the photos and the sculpture, put it in the box and send it to her.
Want to be a bit more subtle as to not be overwhelming? There's a lot that you can say with music. Burn a themed mix cd with songs that have lyrics and musical themes that express what you're trying to say. Even if your love doesn't figure out the themes on the surface, they are likely to internalize the sentiments.
As for the internet, you can do many similar things. Make a scrapbooking webpage devoted to your love. Make a special blog just for her. Send an electronic card. The more effort, creativity, and parts of yourself that you can put in it, the better.
"What can I do to show I'm thinking of her on Valentine's day if we're not technically in a relationship?"
A relationship is a state of being that has been invented by culture. What defines "being in a relationship?" After you figure that out, ask yourself why that should be a constraint. My answer is that it shouldn't. Every relationship is different with different rules. Whether or not you call it a "relationship" doesn't really matter.
Now, on that note, there are many things you can do to show the woman that you love that you're thinking about them, even if you can't communicate that you love them.
The simplest way is by giving them a phonecall. I know, it's nothing terribly special, but don't underestimate it. A phonecall is one of the most personal ways that you can interact with someone when they aren't around. Think about it: for the length of the phonecall, you are devoting all of your attention to them. There is relatively little distance between your voices, the second most intimate of expressive tools. A phonecall is worth a lot.
A letter usually is even more special though. Most of the time, it doesn't take much effort to pick up the phone and give a call, but writing a letter takes planning and effort. Take a chunk of time aside where you're just thinking about her and nothing else. Take those thoughts and put them onto paper. It doesn't matter how mundane they are, they show that you're really thinking about her. If you're not in a place where you feel that you can communicate your love for her, this is especially useful because you can keep the letter on very friendly tones without even mentioning love, but the act of sending a letter is time-consuming and special. It shows to her that you feel she is something special, even if you don't mention it.
As I mentioned before, sending creative gifts can be a fun way to show your love for someone. There's nothing like getting a mystery package in the mail and trying to figure out what it means. Gifts don't need to be expensive either. They can be, but usually something handmade and personalized is worth a thousand times more than something that you buy for someone. After all, the most valuable gift that you can give to someone is time and a handmade gift is the physical representation of that time.
Even if you do buy something for her, try and make it special. There are websites and stores out there catering to all kinds of personalized and specialized merchandise. The Collar Factory (http://collarfactory.com) makes personalized leather collars for people and you can get so much done with them, incorporating your favorite colors, styles, and even personalized lettering. My girlfriend happens to be an Enviromental Science Major and an Enviromental activist, so obviously preserving nature is important to her. For one of our anniverseries, I got her a gift from the Rainforest Site Store (http://shop.therainforestsite.com/store) that not only helped preserve a few acres of rainforest, but was fair trade goods.
Mizu, I hope this helped some. If you have any more questions, I hope you comment again. Thank you again for taking the time to read my humble blog.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Valentine's Day
Valentine's Day is coming up in just over a week. For many people, this is one of the most miserable times of the year. If you dread this holiday more than a root canal, allow me to give you some advice to make this day more tolerable if not enjoyable.
Having problems figuring out what to get your significant other?
If you're having trouble getting a gift for the special guy in your life, you're probably trying too hard. Most guys that I know of don't consider Valentine's Day to be any different from any other day except for the obligation they feel to get gifts for their girlfriend. Allow that fact to take the pressure off you some.
If you're having problems trying to figure out what the special girl in your life would like, your problem is probably along the same lines. Valentine's Day should be something special, but you don't have to do something epic or shell out the big bucks to make it special. The things that are special are all about the details. Find the little things that make the day all about her. If you're really having trouble, ask her. Yes, it may ruin some of the surprise, but it shows that you're being thoughtful. Besides, you can always take something that she's suggested and make it personalized.
Think about what your partner enjoys. Do they enjoy a particular food, type of music, hobby, sport or game? Indulge them a little. Take interest in what they enjoy. Learn a little something about it and you will learn a little about them in the process. Take them out on a spontaneous journey or offer to make a special supper for the two of you with them.
Don't forget to employ your talents. Your partner is attracted to you for a reason and part of that reason is because of what you're good at. If you're a writer, write them a poem. Like to bake? Bake something special. An artist? Draw or paint them something. The same applies to ever talent. You will create something personalized that you enjoy creating and that will be very special to them.
Dates?
For many people, dating seems like a thing of the past. That's unfortunate because every date is an opportunity. It's an opportunity to learn more about a person, go on an adventure with them, and make memories to last a lifetime.
Dating doesn't have to be something as traditional and boring as dinner and a movie though. There are plenty ways to spice up a date and make it seem like an adventure. Here are some of the ways I could think of off the top of my head:
1. Try some exotic food that neither of you has tried before
2. Play a game. Whether it be bowling or Parcheesi, make it something you both enjoy.
3. Build something. (LEGOs should not be underestimated as date material)
4. Go for a walk to someplace in town that you haven't been to before. Explore the local scenery and shops
5. Go for a swim.
6. Take a drive into a neighboring town that you don't normally go to.
7. Plant something.
8. Make a fort out of blankets and cushions.
9. Watch a movie that brings back childhood memories for the both of you.
Whatever you do, be creative and fun and don't worry if things don't go exactly as planned. If something happens, there's almost always a way in which a date can be salvaged. However, if you stress over it too much, problems are sure to arise and no one will have any fun.
What if your single?
Not a problem. Valentine's day doesn't have to be miserable if you don't have a significant other to spend time with. Instead, you can make Valentine's day a special day to have with friends, family, or even just yourself. Remember, true love doesn't happen between two people who are romantically involved. True love is the love between friends and the love you show yourself.
So please, have a good Valentine's Day. Enjoy yourself and go on an adventure.
Having problems figuring out what to get your significant other?
If you're having trouble getting a gift for the special guy in your life, you're probably trying too hard. Most guys that I know of don't consider Valentine's Day to be any different from any other day except for the obligation they feel to get gifts for their girlfriend. Allow that fact to take the pressure off you some.
If you're having problems trying to figure out what the special girl in your life would like, your problem is probably along the same lines. Valentine's Day should be something special, but you don't have to do something epic or shell out the big bucks to make it special. The things that are special are all about the details. Find the little things that make the day all about her. If you're really having trouble, ask her. Yes, it may ruin some of the surprise, but it shows that you're being thoughtful. Besides, you can always take something that she's suggested and make it personalized.
Think about what your partner enjoys. Do they enjoy a particular food, type of music, hobby, sport or game? Indulge them a little. Take interest in what they enjoy. Learn a little something about it and you will learn a little about them in the process. Take them out on a spontaneous journey or offer to make a special supper for the two of you with them.
Don't forget to employ your talents. Your partner is attracted to you for a reason and part of that reason is because of what you're good at. If you're a writer, write them a poem. Like to bake? Bake something special. An artist? Draw or paint them something. The same applies to ever talent. You will create something personalized that you enjoy creating and that will be very special to them.
Dates?
For many people, dating seems like a thing of the past. That's unfortunate because every date is an opportunity. It's an opportunity to learn more about a person, go on an adventure with them, and make memories to last a lifetime.
Dating doesn't have to be something as traditional and boring as dinner and a movie though. There are plenty ways to spice up a date and make it seem like an adventure. Here are some of the ways I could think of off the top of my head:
1. Try some exotic food that neither of you has tried before
2. Play a game. Whether it be bowling or Parcheesi, make it something you both enjoy.
3. Build something. (LEGOs should not be underestimated as date material)
4. Go for a walk to someplace in town that you haven't been to before. Explore the local scenery and shops
5. Go for a swim.
6. Take a drive into a neighboring town that you don't normally go to.
7. Plant something.
8. Make a fort out of blankets and cushions.
9. Watch a movie that brings back childhood memories for the both of you.
Whatever you do, be creative and fun and don't worry if things don't go exactly as planned. If something happens, there's almost always a way in which a date can be salvaged. However, if you stress over it too much, problems are sure to arise and no one will have any fun.
What if your single?
Not a problem. Valentine's day doesn't have to be miserable if you don't have a significant other to spend time with. Instead, you can make Valentine's day a special day to have with friends, family, or even just yourself. Remember, true love doesn't happen between two people who are romantically involved. True love is the love between friends and the love you show yourself.
So please, have a good Valentine's Day. Enjoy yourself and go on an adventure.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Search for the Hour Long Orgasm - Part 1
The Search for the Hour Long Orgasm - an Introduction
It has always been my belief that to be anything but an ordinary lover, one must go out of their way to find the unltimate way to please their partner in every aspect of romance. This means research, experimentation, practice, study, and, most of all, creativity.
My devotion to this principle (and frankly my own intellectual curiousity) has led me to use all of the resources I have in learning how to become a better lover. Now, I'm not talking about buying penis enhancement products or toys to enhance my natural lovemaking abilities. I'm talking about pure knowledge. Enhancement products are a load of bunk as far as I'm concerned and toys can make great additions to the bedroom, but will never be a substitute for sexual prowess.
During my research, I have discovered the prospect of the hour long orgasm. Most sources that talk about this fascinating feat offer to sell you the secret and seem to be obvious scams. However, there have been references on other advice sites to a half-hour "rolling" orgasm where the woman has constant orgasms that seem to blend into one long one. If it is possible to achieve a rolling orgasm that lasts for a half-hour, why not an hour?
The idea of being able to give my girlfriend an hour long orgasm intrigued me to the point of near obsession. Since then, I have done research and experimentation and combined the results with my previous knowledge to give longer and better orgasms. I am nowhere near the one hour mark, but as I learn more, I creep closer. I plan to keep a log of what I learn in this journey so that others may be able to learn from this experience.
Part 1 - Clock Positions
The first thing anyone will need to know when trying to give longer and better orgasms is a bit of anatomy. Most people have a basic understanding of parts and how things work, so I'm going to skip the basic introduction to the vagina and cover a few more interesting and useful aspects that I have learned. Now, I am no expert. After all I'm a rhetoric major, not pre-med or biology. If what you know is contradictory to what I say here, let me know.
The clitoris, as most people know, is the female center of orgasm. However, what most people don't seem to realize is that we are only able to see a tiny portion of the clitoris, the clitoris glans. When a person develops, there is a point where the male and female body are exactly the same. What this means is that the male and female body are incredibly similar. The clitoris is what eventually develops into the penis of the male. The part of the clitoris that we are able to see is equivalent to the head (or glans) of the penis.
This is useful knowledge for many males (including myself) who find the female body hard to please. This gives us a point of reference on our own bodies that we can understand. As any guy will tell you, the head of the penis is the absolutely most sensitive part of the penis. When it comes to making a man orgasm, it is the most important part of the penis to stimulate. The same goes for the clitoris glans for exactly the same reason.
The clitoris glans provides a uniques challenge of stimulation that isn't presented on the head of the penis. The head of the penis is completely exposed and gets stimulated during almost every interaction of the penis without too much thought. The clitoris glans does not have this advantage.
One technique for getting around this challenge is to rub or lick around the edges of the clitoris glans that is attached to the clittoral hood. I call this "going around the clock". Many sex instructors will talk about this and give you the "right" way to do it. One website that I was reading made a good point however. The direction that you move in a circle doesn't really matter that much from a biological point of view. It matters much more on a personal level. Some women like to be touched clockwise, some counter-clockwise. The important thing to know is that because of how the clitoris is rigged in the body, the woman is usually much more responsive to the upstroke than the downstroke.
The other thing that you may learn from sex instruction is the "magical" eleven o'clock position. While stimulating the area around the clitoris glans, you will reach a point where the woman begins to orgasm. At this point, depending on if you are going around the clock in a clockwise or counter-clockwise fashion, if you apply pressure to the eleven o'clock or one o'clock position respectively, the orgasm tends to continue on as long as you keep that pressure applied. I don't know why this is, but I have noticed its effectiveness as it has enabled me to keep and orgasm going for about 5-6 minutes.
Every woman is different. I cannot stress this enough. What works for one woman may not work for a different woman and may not even work consistantly for the same woman. Experiment, try new things, but always listen. If you truly want to please your partner, listen to them and what they crave. Encourage them to tell you and reward them with the pleasure that they desire. You will be rewarded by them craving you.
It has always been my belief that to be anything but an ordinary lover, one must go out of their way to find the unltimate way to please their partner in every aspect of romance. This means research, experimentation, practice, study, and, most of all, creativity.
My devotion to this principle (and frankly my own intellectual curiousity) has led me to use all of the resources I have in learning how to become a better lover. Now, I'm not talking about buying penis enhancement products or toys to enhance my natural lovemaking abilities. I'm talking about pure knowledge. Enhancement products are a load of bunk as far as I'm concerned and toys can make great additions to the bedroom, but will never be a substitute for sexual prowess.
During my research, I have discovered the prospect of the hour long orgasm. Most sources that talk about this fascinating feat offer to sell you the secret and seem to be obvious scams. However, there have been references on other advice sites to a half-hour "rolling" orgasm where the woman has constant orgasms that seem to blend into one long one. If it is possible to achieve a rolling orgasm that lasts for a half-hour, why not an hour?
The idea of being able to give my girlfriend an hour long orgasm intrigued me to the point of near obsession. Since then, I have done research and experimentation and combined the results with my previous knowledge to give longer and better orgasms. I am nowhere near the one hour mark, but as I learn more, I creep closer. I plan to keep a log of what I learn in this journey so that others may be able to learn from this experience.
Part 1 - Clock Positions
The first thing anyone will need to know when trying to give longer and better orgasms is a bit of anatomy. Most people have a basic understanding of parts and how things work, so I'm going to skip the basic introduction to the vagina and cover a few more interesting and useful aspects that I have learned. Now, I am no expert. After all I'm a rhetoric major, not pre-med or biology. If what you know is contradictory to what I say here, let me know.
The clitoris, as most people know, is the female center of orgasm. However, what most people don't seem to realize is that we are only able to see a tiny portion of the clitoris, the clitoris glans. When a person develops, there is a point where the male and female body are exactly the same. What this means is that the male and female body are incredibly similar. The clitoris is what eventually develops into the penis of the male. The part of the clitoris that we are able to see is equivalent to the head (or glans) of the penis.
This is useful knowledge for many males (including myself) who find the female body hard to please. This gives us a point of reference on our own bodies that we can understand. As any guy will tell you, the head of the penis is the absolutely most sensitive part of the penis. When it comes to making a man orgasm, it is the most important part of the penis to stimulate. The same goes for the clitoris glans for exactly the same reason.
The clitoris glans provides a uniques challenge of stimulation that isn't presented on the head of the penis. The head of the penis is completely exposed and gets stimulated during almost every interaction of the penis without too much thought. The clitoris glans does not have this advantage.
One technique for getting around this challenge is to rub or lick around the edges of the clitoris glans that is attached to the clittoral hood. I call this "going around the clock". Many sex instructors will talk about this and give you the "right" way to do it. One website that I was reading made a good point however. The direction that you move in a circle doesn't really matter that much from a biological point of view. It matters much more on a personal level. Some women like to be touched clockwise, some counter-clockwise. The important thing to know is that because of how the clitoris is rigged in the body, the woman is usually much more responsive to the upstroke than the downstroke.
The other thing that you may learn from sex instruction is the "magical" eleven o'clock position. While stimulating the area around the clitoris glans, you will reach a point where the woman begins to orgasm. At this point, depending on if you are going around the clock in a clockwise or counter-clockwise fashion, if you apply pressure to the eleven o'clock or one o'clock position respectively, the orgasm tends to continue on as long as you keep that pressure applied. I don't know why this is, but I have noticed its effectiveness as it has enabled me to keep and orgasm going for about 5-6 minutes.
Every woman is different. I cannot stress this enough. What works for one woman may not work for a different woman and may not even work consistantly for the same woman. Experiment, try new things, but always listen. If you truly want to please your partner, listen to them and what they crave. Encourage them to tell you and reward them with the pleasure that they desire. You will be rewarded by them craving you.
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